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Tuesday, 08 August 2006

Currently Reading
The Love Wife (Vintage Contemporaries)
By Gish Jen
see related
First Post

Well, this is quite interesting. Not that I haven't had a blog before, but this is different. Here I can show what books I'm reading and the like.

But I digress...

Lately, I have been quite philosophical; seeking out metaphors for life. For example, this past weekend, Margaret and I were on the beach in Michigan. We were laying down with our backs to the waves that kept crashing down with such force that I would be carried about three feet every other wave. Digging my feed firmly into the wet sand, I scooped up a handful and stared at it, gazing at an individual grain of sand.

-Hey Margaret?
=Mhm?
-How many grains of sand do you think I'm holding?
=Umm...I dunno. Why?

I let the sand slide from my limp hands. They cascaded from my fingertips as if they were fleeing from me. Out of the fallen pile, I gingerly picked up a single grain of sand.

White.Transparent.Square.Little.

It was so insignificant in the scheme of things: there were uncountable multitudes of grains of sand, maybe some that looked just like the one on my right forefinger. But out of all the sand on the beach, I picked THAT one...

And no matter how hard I imagined I could try, if i put that grain of sand down, and closed my eyes, I would never be able to find it again.

=Sure you can, Madi. Look!
-Yeah but.,.
=Look at all the other grains of sand. What makes this one any different?

Pausing, I let the sound of the waves breaking and receding permeate my mind. I almost closed my eyes, but I didn't. There was an unexplainable fear that if I closed my eyes or looked away, I might lose the grain of sand.

-I don't know...but...well...I can't describe it. It's like trying to explain what makes him different...

As of yesterday, I'm not so sure about my feelings for him. Last night, I told Margaret that I realized that all I needed was a hug. A hug from someone who cared about me because they wanted to, not because they had to.

Margaret is the big sister that I've never had. Don't get me wrong, I love all of my friends, and they all hold a special place in my heart, but Margaret is my sister. Sisters are different than friends.

But on Thursday night, while I was crying, she held me. I felt like I belonged somewhere, that I had a family.

I belonged somewhere.

To all of my friends. My heroes. You know who you are. All of you are my heroes, in one way or another.

And that's where I'm going to end this today. Back to APUSH

-Madi